The War is On

I have seen old pictures of myself recently and asked, "where is that woman today?"   In those pictures, I am smiling, I look happy and I appear to be in good health.  I have also noticed that during much of my adult life, my legs looked good.  My father used to tell me that I had my mother's legs.  She was an elevator operator in one of the large, downtown department stores when she was in her 20's.  He told me that when the elevator was coming down from floors above to the lobby area, all you could see was my mother's great legs arriving first. 

 

My legs aren't great anymore.  They are ravaged and riddled with the end results of a skin disorder.  I hate the way they look.  But, we continue to challenge the disorder with varying doses of medication, each one stronger than the last. But now, there is  a new "thing."

 

Last week, Tony and I were watching a movie and I grew more and more uncomfortable.  My left side felt heavy and it was painful to move.  I went to work the next day and could hardly get out of my chair to approach patients. I felt like a turtle who had been turned over, shell side down, struggling to right myself and get on with life.   Several members of the staff told me to sign myself into the Emergency Room, so I knew I must have looked as bad as I felt. 

 

One of my favorite doctors in the Emergency Room did a quick examination and told me I probably had pneumonia. 

 

I saw our primary care doctor and got a chest xray and blood work.  I  am currently waiting for confirmation of a diagnosis.  He talked about pneumonia, Lupus and even a collapsed lung.  Each word sapped more and more of my strength.  I am tired of being sick and tired of being in pain. 

 

Yesterday, I decided the battle is on, I want my healthy life back. 

 

I love the fitbit that we got for Christmas and find myself paying more attention to what I am eating.  I push for extra steps and analyze my sleep patterns, hoping that I can maximize my time at rest to add to being healthy.  

 

I can't wait to go shopping with Donna again, have dates with Tony and visit with David and his new fiancée, Brenda. 

 

I can't wait to look at pictures of me, smiling because I feel good...and look better.  Stay tuned! I may lose a day or two, but I will win the war.