March 20; A Day of Joy; A Day of Sadness

Today was our monthly "sister lunch" where my sisters and I get together, have lunch and talk about growing up. Today was particularly appropriate because our mother died 4 years ago today...and ironically, Jenna and Jon have been married for 6 years today. Jenna was pregnant with Ben when Mom died and how often I have said, I wish my mother could have seen Ben, just once. She would have fallen in love with him just like she did the first time she saw Jenna. And now, with Sammy, well, she would have been a terrific great grandmother.

Today we talked about our relatives in New York, Bill and Emily Cacassio. We called them Uncle Bill and Aunt Emily but I'm really not sure of what the relationship was. Uncle Bill owned a candy store and Lynn and I both remember going (on separate visits) to New York on a Greyhound bus with our grandmother (Papa's mother) and spending time in New York. What an adventure it was. We got to "work" in the candy store and were paid in candy bars. Those were fun times.

We talked about our aches and pains and how we are all getting older...but, being together seemed like it used to--Lynn, the oldest has all of the family memories, I am connected but there is a part that is missing and Fritz--well, she will always be the baby. We have to fill in memories for her. Lynn was talking about various memories today and Fritz said, "how do you know all of this stuff?" Lynn replied, "I lived it." It's hard to believe that we are all in our 50's.

Lynn is trying to organize a neighborhood event...50 years of friendship, with various neighbors that are still alive, but who have moved. I'm not sure how I feel about participating. I remember my friend, Gail, as a tall, slim girl with long, long hair. Seeing an older woman with grey hair will be very different. We'll see.

And so, another "sister lunch" is over. I haven't had dreams of my mother yelling at me since we started to do this, so I guess she is happy now.

Changes

If you've been following Jenna's adoption blog, you know that things have taken a few turns of late. While I realize the importance of ensuring that the children in international adoption programs are indeed, orphans, the more I read, the more it seems that the barriers that are put up to catch the bad people and protect the good, are just punishing the good. I'm certainly not an adoption subject matter expert, but I don't see why having Jenna and Jon go to Ethiopia twice instead of once is going protect our little girl. So many times I have said to Jenna, "if the agencies just read your blog, they would give you 10 little girls." But, I guess that's not the way it works.

I remember when Tony and I were writing the cook book with the life lessons (you know, the one you all keep in the top drawer in your kitchen and read evey night....), I wrote so many life lessons in there that seemed to old for you. Would any of you ever buy your first major appliance or get a substantial raise where you worked? Heck, those life lessons were for you to read years down the road....and yet, here you are all changing. Those life lessons do apply to you now and I wish I had written them better.

Think of all of the changes you have been through in the past 5 years. Think where you were 5 years ago. The time is flying quickly by. Somewhere I wrote about my father's ash tray. It was a slim dark green glass ash tray that sat by his reclining chair. It had a little old man outlined in gold. He was a grumpy old man; and the caption under him said, "time marches on.....damn it." For years I never understood that ash tray. But I do now. Time does march on and bring so many changes.

Maybe the way to look at that ash tray is instead of time marches on, time marches forward. Look at time as an adventure, my children. Look forward for the good things that are to come.

I hope that Jenna and Jon come to a decision that gives them peace. I hope that the changes and the decisions all of you make in the future do the same.

Children in the House

There are times when Tony and I cherish the silence of the house. We read, look at what the weather has done to the yard, he paints or I write. It is a comforting silence, but one, I realized recently, that I associate with my grandmother's house. My sisters and I weren't raised to make noise. We were "little ladies" who should play quietly. When I stayed at my grandmother's house my "quiet" training easily translated to that environment. She would take naps or water flowers. TV wasn't what it is now. There were 3 basic channels and nothing really aimed at children. So, for the most part I grew up quietly.


Maybe that's why when Ben and Sam are here I love the noise. Ben and Sam are very polite at the dinner table; they say please and thank you in all the right places....but when they play, they play. Sammy bangs on things and Ben runs through the house being an airplane. Toys that make music give us concerts and Jack's dog treat jar constantly barks. It's a circus, it's alive and I love every minute of it.

Jenna, Jon and the kids came over for dinner last night. We got to see Sammy take a few steps and Ben said grace at dinner. Seeing Ben standing next to Sam, I realized how tall they are both getting--although Sammy is still quite copact. They are happy little boys and I'm glad they came to visit. There's always something special about having children in the house.