The Highs and the Lows

 

I think that the trip home to Cleveland a few weeks ago took more out of me than I thought it would.  I was so excited to see everyone and get together for birthday dinners and social lunches.  But now that I'm back, I feel empty.  My depression is at an all time high and even getting out of bed is a chore.  

Maybe it was interacting with so many different people in a short period of time.  Maybe it was negative conversations.  Who knows?  But whatever it was, I can't shake it.

I'm being published again in Cape Fear Voices--and I'll be in a special glossy edition, but even that doesn't light me up like it should.  Depression is like having someone sitting on the top of your head.  It's heavy and it follows you all around.  I'm tired of being depressed.  

And now, it's September, fall--my favorite time of year.  Alex will be 3 at the end of the month and we get to see her next week.  I have been practicing my colors in Spanish, but she is probably way past that now.    

I've been writing letters to the Cleveland grandkids in response to the Birthday letters they gave me.  Each of them are so different.  I sent Ben a check for his birthday and it was cashed the other day.  I'm not sure why, but I looked at the back of the check when it hit my account.  He printed his name so Jenna could co-sign and cash it and I realized that he doesn't write in cursive.  I guess keyboarding has eliminated the need for learning cursive.   He is in public school now and I worry that he will feel out of place since he has been home schooled.  He's really cute, so I know the young ladies will like him.  I just hope that these final school years will give him good memories. 

Of all of the letters, Ellie's was the most entertaining.  It was more like a conversation than a letter.  As odd as it sounds, I felt like she writes like I do.  She starts on a subject, interjects a related thought and then says something funny.  She included a "PS" in her letter that said it only took her less than 30 minutes to type out her letter and that she was proud of herself.  Ellie has a strong sense of self that I hope she never loses.

Sam looks so much like Bill, Jenna's father.  He is athletic and gifted.  He played the banjo for us and he was very good. 

Zach is the sweetest kid.  He's quiet, but funny.  He can twist his body around like my sister, Fritz, used to.  Jon says Zach is not double jointed, but he sure looks like he is.

I'm glad we got to see them.  And, I have included a picture which to me is typical of 2020.  Sitting in a garage due to the virus.