A Time of Fear

I admit, there are things that scare me.  Car accidents, medical bills, losing people I love.  All of that, but yesterday I was scared and it had nothing to do with all of the above. 

I work in a hospital that mainly takes care of teen agers with mental problems.  We have 7 units and they are all not open to visitors without a key.  At around 9:30 a.m., I heard screaming from residents of 3 of our units.  I listened to the walkie talkie but all of a sudden, it went silent. 

About 5 minutes later, one of our nurses came into the lobby and told me to activate the main door opening function.  When I did, 5 police people came running in, all in riot gear.  I quickly asked what was happening and was informed that the makings of a  riot were underway.  

It was a riot, indeed.  It started out as a  fight and escalated to things being broken, doors being kicked in and nurses being hurt.   In all, we had 13 police cars, 20 police personnel, and 2 sheriffs responding to our call.  They shut down the facility and restrained many of the residents.  

My role, as a front line person was to open the door for the police and then open the door to the units that were in distress.  I realized as I opened that door, that they were in riot gear and I was not.  It crossed my mind that there was a small level of danger here, but when all of this is happening, you just put that to the back of your mind.    

After it was all over, I heard members of the team calling out to front line nurses asking if they were OK.  If the nurse didn't answer right away, someone went looking for them.  

I could hear the children--they were angry, I'm not sure about what, but they were a force that had no name, just a mission--to cause as much damage as they could.  

Our front line nurses did what they could, one or two being slightly injured as a result.  Our CEO came in and led the police to the areas in chaos and the nurses were glad about that.  It gave them some level of comfort to know that they were not alone.  

It was over in an hour or so, but time seemed to stand still.  The "children" went back to being residents, the nurses went back to doing their job.  The police left in small groups and all was quiet.   

I went home and watched the 2nd half of a football  game.  I ate dinner.  I did a load of laundry.  But when I crawled into bed, I was shaking and afraid.  The "What If's" were consuming my mind.  It was a time of fear in the day and in my mind.  What has happened to the world that we now have to be afraid of children?  I wish I knew.  I wish I could fix it.  But I can't.  

This is a place that takes good care of children in need.  It changes lives.  Why should the nurses and front line staff experience a time of fear?  All good questions, but questions that could be asked about so many things happening in the world. 

We should never reach for violence first.  But, we do.  We should never aim to hurt others.  But we do.  When will it stop?  When will we live and let live?