Rough Spot

 I guess I shouldn't complain that we seem to be going through a rough spot of late.  We have had it so good for so long.  Tony has another doctor's appointment tomorrow for another echo cardiogram.  The last one (they did last week) showed fluid around his heart again and while they were not concerned over the amount, they want to do another echo just to check it. 

He has a home monitor and I find the blue light that is on the front of it very comforting.  It illuminates the bedroom so if we get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, it guides us there and back.  I look at it as a beacon of hope.  Maybe as a Star Trek beam that has Tony in its sites and is keeping him safe.  I have come to be very fond of that machine.  It tracks his heart activity and sends reports directly to his doctor.  If there is a problem, they call him and give us direction as to what we need to do to keep him safe and alive.

I see him being consumed with the depression that I have had for so many years.  It's like Tony is here, but only 75% of him.  The other 25% worries, stares off into space and doesn't sleep well.   

It's hard for me and for the boys, too (Jenna hasn't weighed in) to see him this way.  He was always the rock--always the fixer and do-er.   Always the guy with the answers to the problems.  Strong and independent.  I watched him chop wood once when we lived in Strongsville.  He was wearing blue jeans, no shirt and boots.  His strong arms swung that ax with gusto and precision and then he stacked the wood.  I don't even think he broke a sweat.  I always told the boys, "don't confuse stature with strength," for while Tony maybe only 5'8", his strength was always boundless.  Personally, I think a lot of the neighborhood ladies were secretly watching him chop that wood.  It was a sight to behold!!

And now, we have moved to a different place in our lives.  I listen to him breathe.  Neither one of us sleeps well.   You can see the shape of the pacemaker in his chest.  It hasn't settled into the muscle yet, so it is swollen and visible.  

I find it odd, that this man, who has such a big heart, is struggling with it.  Heart problems should be the last thing on the list that could hurt Tony.  He protects bugs and animals, he helps people, he drove disable veterans to their doctor's appointments, he encourages the lady golfers when he works at the golf course.  He is friendly to everyone--you know my old saying...."everyone loves Tony, I am an acquired taste."  And as well I should be.  No one is more kind than Tony to people he knows and to strangers.  

We are going through a rough spot.  But we are going through it together. 

Once More With Feeling

 

Just when you think it's OK to exhale after a major health event,  life slaps  you in the face again. 

The day after Tony was released, he started to feel a tightness in his chest.  I called his cardiologist and was told to bring him in for a cardiogram and some other tests.  

The cardiogram was done and they found fluid around his heart.  There also seemed to be an issue with the pacemaker kicking in when it should.

So, long story short, he was readmitted to the cardiac unit for tests.  They managed to regulate the pacemaker externally and additional tests showed that the fluid around his heart was significantly reduced. 

I picked him up yesterday and he seems better.  He has a ton of new meds and several rounds of tests coming up, but that's OK.

Better safe than sorry.

  

What If?

August is usually a "ho hum" month.  You know, no national holidays, just hot weather and getting ready to go back to school. 

Well, this August sure hasn't been ho hum.  It started with my eye surgeries and then quickly dealt my sister and brother in law a blow as weather in Cleveland caused a tree from the metro parks to fall on to their house and destroy their newly remodeled kitchen, the siding, ceilings and shrubs.  If that wasn't enough, my sister then fell off their pool deck onto the ground head first causing a concussion and 7 staples.  

Next, the air conditioning in my 17 year old Toyota died.  It's not worth repairing it with over 150,000 miles on it so in 97 degree heat,  I drive with wet towels on my neck and lots of sweating.

And finally--the big August "holy shit," Tony went for a routine cardiac appointment last Friday and was admitted to the hospital the same day with a resting heart rate of 27.  He had a pacemaker installed today.   

Tony Jr came in to help us and as we were driving to the hospital early this morning, we got a text saying that Tony was going to be taken for the procedure earlier than we had anticipated.  I just freaked out.  We were still on the road.  I could not envision not seeing him before surgery.

Tony Jr put the pedal to the metal and got us there with 6 minutes to spare.  He dropped me off at the entrance and went to park.  I started to cry in the car thinking I wouldn't see Tony before surgery.  Nurses and other staff who passed me in the hallway stopped to ask me if I was OK?  Did I need help?  How kind they were, but all I kept thinking was, "get out of my way....."  All of the "what if's" that have been hiding in the back of my mind started to look real.  I couldn't speak.  I couldn't even remind Tony Jr where the entrance phone to the cardiac unit was.  

We got there in time....actually, they didn't come for him for another 25 minutes so we had time, but by then I was a mess.  What if, what if, what if was all that I could think of.  

The what if's are behind us now....well, not really.  As he nods off for a nap, I find myself saying, what if?  As he quietly sleeps, if think....what if?  

But Tony thinks he is invincible.  He expects to pick up his old routine in the very near future.  But I am not invincible.  I know that every time he picks up a golf club I will be thinking, what if?  I know that every time he goes to work on Ladies Day, I will be thinking what if.  

August is usually a ho hum month.  Not this time.  

One Down One To Go

 

Well, it's done....one eye at least.  I had my left eye cataract removed on July 31.  It was a simple process and I am glad it is over.  I go for my right eye next week.  People are saying that colors will look brighter, but I am not seeing that yet.  I can see the numbers on my alarm clock better, which is what started the whole process, but I also see what looks like a rim on the bottom of my left eye. I hope that goes away, as it is annoying. 

Our trip to Cleveland in October is getting closer.  Tony is going to text Jenna about possible days when we can see the kids so I am getting excited about that. 

The weather here has been as bad as across the country; although the last two days have been better.  I just cannot adjust to 93 degree temps with 88% humidity.  Yuck.  Tony has been working and playing golf in this weather and while I worry about him, he is smart enough to figure out when enough is enough.  

Cape Fear Voices (cfvts.org) going online only seems to be a success.  We are working with a school in Australia to contribute to the Teen Scene section so that should be interesting.  

Work is going well.  I have been on my own 3 times now on Saturdays and Sundays and am finding my groove.  I am making friends with the nursing staff and enjoy what I do.  There are some heartbreaking moments--like the girl, who identifies as a boy because she has been in mental health facilities since she was 5 after being raped at 2 years old and then again when she was 9 and 11.  She has two children--she is 12 (actually, the state has them.)  Sexual abuse is part of who she is now, or so she says.  She is world wise when she should be just a kid enjoying middle school.  No wonder she wants to be a boy. 

Donna and Bob will be staying with us starting August 19.  We will not be going down to Hilton Head this year, but they will be stopping to see us on their way back to Cleveland. 

Tonight is date night.  Tony is working and when he gets home we will be going to Uncorked, a favorite wine bar.  We enjoying talking to Amy, the owner and many of the regulars.  

Leland continues to grow and it's happening very quickly.  I'm not sure that's a good thing as there is more traffic and less Mayberry.    Home prices are through the roof and lots that were $70,000 when we bought in Compass Pointe 12 years ago are now going for over $200,000.  It's just crazy. 

Dixie is well.  She was injured at the dog groomer last week--she got cut on her leg with some grooming sheers, but seems to be OK.  She continues to entertain us, annoy us and be a big part of the family.  This morning, she stood next to my side of the bed and barked at me at 7:05 a.m.  I got up thinking she had to go out, but as soon as I got up, she went under the bed and went to sleep.  I didn't see her until after 11:00.  

And so, all is well in Swegle-land.  My eye is getting better and all is right with the world.  I hope the same for you. 

Old Eyes

I hate getting older.  I hate the wrinkles, the flab and the purple feet.  But mostly, I hate what age has done to my eyes.  I was pulling out of our development a few days ago and a gray car blended right into the highway.  I didn't see it.  I'm not sure why I didn't pull out right away, but something held me back.  Had I pulled out, the gray car, doing well over 70mph, would have T boned me. 

I went to the eye doctor today--Dr. Groat.  He sure didn't look like his name.  While I expected an aging man way over 50 with wispy hair on the top of a balding head, this guy whipped into the room in gym shoes and cartoon socks.  He couldn't have been more than 30 and his thick blonde hair and goofy smile made him seem much younger than that.  

But, when he talked about my eyes he seemed to know what he was talking about.  My eyes are still dilated, with big, round black spots where my pin-point pupil used to be.  I thought I only had one cataract, turns out, I have two.  I will be having surgery on July 31 and again on August 14.   

We were at the office for a little over 2 hours.  I took tests that reminded me of a Star Trek episode, where the ship launches a smaller vessel into space and all you can see are white diamonds of light drifting into a velvet blue sky.  The vessel has red lights on it that flicker and bounce from one end of ship to the other in a nano second and silver bars that look like antennas surround the light.  

I guess the good thing is that this can be fixed and I need to remember that.  I will have to wear a plastic thing over my eye in the shower and I can't do housework or dishes after the surgery.  No problem there!!  

I will be glad to have this done, as the longer it goes on, the more painful it is.  It has impacted my writing.  All of my emails now are done in size 14 font.  People think I am  yelling at them--I'm just trying to ensure what I typed and what I wanted to say are the same thing!

We had a quiet 4th of July, mostly because of the weather, but we had a nice meal and time together.  It doesn't get much better than that. 

Physical, Working and Stuff

I have always hated going to my yearly physical.  Don't get me wrong, I love my doctor, but the first thing they have you do is step on the scale.  No matter how much weight you have lost, or what your scale says, their scale is always saying you weigh 6 pounds more than at home.  I have threatened to weigh myself naked there, like I do at home, but they are not up for that idea.  We settled on them noting that each one of my ear rings weighs 20 pounds. 

Well, this year, at least, my doctor was happy about my lab work.  He said all of the numbers were in or below range and he was really pleased about the work I have done to accomplish this.  I have cut down on coffee, bread and wine.  I am trying to walk more (but this continues to be a problem) and I'm paying attention to snacking.  But, hey, I'm 71, I guess this is as good as it gets. 

Work is going well.  I switched to being a receptionist for  a mental facility on May 23,  (25% more pay) and will be working less days so it seems to be a wash.  It's a fun place with lots of interesting people.  I rarely have interaction with the "residents" other then when they are brought in by law enforcement.  It's a lesser distance than Arbor Landing (although, I could get there in 4 minutes...) and I am enjoying what I do.  On Saturday, July 1, I will be working on my own.  I am the every other weekend person, Saturday's and Sundays from 6:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.  Not bad hours.  I used to get up at 4:45 a.m., when I worked at Chase Manhattan.  

We are tentatively planning a trip to Cleveland in October--probably the first week of October to see Jenna's kids.  They are out of school now and doing well.  Sam graduated from middle school with all A's and Ben was in a number of honors classes.  They will be in band together next year.  

Ellie will be going to middle school this year and is worried about mean girls and making friends.  Zach will also be going to regular school and is basically worried about everything.

Tony is pressing me to take golf lessons so we can play together, so I have that on my list of things to do.  I want to get back into the game, but I also want to play well.  Not sure how those two things are going to work out. 

We have been working to put Cape Fear Voices online (cfvts.org) and July will be our first all online edition.  Not sure how people will react to it, but we might as well join the 21st century and get online.  Two of my stories are trending in the top 10 (most read)  for the year so far and that makes me happy.  

I'm doing a story on a new Art Gallery opening in Leland for Leland Magazine that I am very excited about.  The artist, Dan Beck, is wonderful.  He works in oil and has a very mysterious style to his paintings.  

Tony and Dixie are well.  We went to the beach on Father's Day and had a nice time.  It was crowded and really hot.  We knew that the beach had a lot of "northerners" there because their skin was so white!  But, it was fun anyway!

I feel bad about those who lost their life in the sub going down to see the Titanic. One of the passengers was only 19.  He didn't even live his life yet.  That's sad. 

Well, off to clean another room in this dusty house.  Happy June and July to everyone and I hope to see you in October. 

  

The Problem With Time

I've been having a hard time with time lately.  For 8 months I was consumed with the Cape Fear Voices/Teen Scene (cfvts.org) awards dinner.  After it was over, I said I'm going to email people I haven't connected with in a while, I'm going to clean the house and I'm going to relax.  Well, here it is the third week of May and I haven't done any of that--well, I did clean yesterday because the kids are coming in from Florida this week.  But, that's about it. 

I can't seem to figure out where my time goes.  Tony will tell you it's because I'm in front of the computer all day, but I'm spending less time there than I used to.  Maybe the answer is that ash tray that my father used to have that I never understood until I was in my 50's.  It said, "Time Marches On, Damn it!"  Maybe time is marching on and I just haven't caught up.

Anyway, I have to have cataract surgery on my left eye.  It feels like someone has their finger in my eye all of the time and I can't see.  Driving at night is the worst.  

I am looking forward to the kid's visit.  David and Tony are playing for the 3 Men and A Bond Trophy and we will be celebrating David's birthday while they are here.  We bought a small swimming pool for the girls last year and will be putting that up in the yard.  

The papers for which I write are doing well.  Cape Fear Voices will be going online only in July.  The printing costs are just killing us.  I hope we don't lose readership or our authors.  Some people just don't like to read online.  We will see. 

No word on coming up to Cleveland yet.  We want to coordinate with Jenna and her family to make sure the kids aren't doing some school related, out of town things.

That's all for now.  If I owe you an email, I will be writing soon.  All I need is TIME!