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Our trip to Cleveland was both fun and sad.  We did not get to see Jenna's kids and that just broke my heart.  In all of the letters we have sent back and forth this year, all of the kids have said that they couldn't wait  until we visited and could see them.   It just didn't work out from a scheduling perspective.  Maybe next year. 

Our Neighbor lunch was a fun time.  Only one person couldn't make it this year.   We went to Fast Eddie's in Parma.  Good food and a separate room for us to eat in.  We all looked older, but still had a good time.  

Staying with Sarah and Steven was fun.  They got a new dog, Ollie, and he was a bundle of energy.  

And so, we are home.  Tony has gone to two heart appointments and everything seems to be OK, although they said he had two AFIB episodes since he has had the pacemaker in.    He went back to work on Thursday, but it was pouring rain so 80% of the golfers cancelled and he came home soaking wet.  

I am working this weekend and next since I was off to go to Cleveland.  I have also started to work on the Awards Banquet for Cape Fear Voices and Teen Scene for next year (CFVTS.org.)  The theme is Stary, Stary Night.  It's a lot of work, but I enjoy doing it.  Gerald is more active this year than last and that will help. 

We have had to turn on the fireplace in the mornings as it has been 47 or so degrees.  It's nice to have it on for a bit and then turn it off as the day gets going.  I can't believe it's almost the end of the year. 

David and Brenda and family will be here again for Thanksgiving.  That will be nice.  We will decorate the Christmas tree on the lanai again this year with the girls.  That, too, is a lot of work, but it's so much fun to watch them putting ornaments on and watching for the lights.  David and Tony hope to play golf while they are here.  According to Tony's doctors, he can do that now.  For awhile, he was not able to raise his left arm over his head or lift anything heavy.  The swelling hasn't totally gone yet, but he is pleased with the healing process.

I am adjusting to life with one car.  It's not the same as having my Toyota, but I get from point A to B when I need to.    

So, that's life in our fast lane.  Not so fast anymore, but comfortable.  I miss seeing the kids this year, but hopefully, 2024 will be different. 

Getting Excited

We leave for Cleveland on Sunday, October 1.  Hopefully we will get to see the kids.  Tony and Jenna have  been texting back and forth about schedules and after school activities.  We may  have to see them one or two at a time--and that's OK, as long as we get to see them. 

We have some other fun things planned.  I'm looking forward to Neighbor Lunch.  There will be around 12 of us there and we have had a great time the last two times we got together.  I'm supposed to look for old pictures to bring with me.  

In other news, Tony had another echo cardiogram today and the fluid that has been surrounding his heart and concerning his doctor has subsided a bit, so that's good news.  He doesn't have to go back for another echo for two weeks. 

I have been so worried about him.  He doesn't have the energy he once did--oh I know, he's 76, but he was never one to sit and read.  He was always up doing something.  But, he does now and that's OK, as long as he feeling well. 

Also, we are staying with Sarah and Steven, so that should be fun.  They got a new dog, Ollie and so did Fritz, Teddy.  So I will be sure to stock up on allergy pills before I go.  

I sold my  car last week and I really  miss it.  I miss the freedom of jumping up and going where I need to.  It had 147,000 miles on it and the air conditioner went out, so it was time, but I still wish I had it. 

I'm doing the company newsletter now for Carolina Dunes.  And, I'm getting paid to do it, so that's good.  I am feeling more comfortable there as time goes by.  More people are talking to me and remembering my name.  I only work 4 days a month, so it was hard to keep me straight with all of the other receptionists.  But, the doctor's are nice and so are the Unit Directors.  Everyone is, really.  

I find my old friend, depression, is with  me more frequently.  I know it is stress related because of Tony and probably my car, but I can't seem to shake it.  I am spending more time in the office with the door shut.  I just can't seem to get out of the chair again.  Everything feels heavy.  My arms, my legs, my head.  I hope the trip to Cleveland changes some of that. 

Hopefully, in a week, I will be blogging about the great time we had seeing the kids and other family members.  I will try very hard to be positive.  I will try very hard to be present.  We shall see. 

This was from our first neighbor lunch, 2 years ago

In back:  Earl Melvin, Fritz, Peggy Szabo, Ralph Szabo

Sitting:  Lynn, Me, Gail O'Dell

Rough Spot

 I guess I shouldn't complain that we seem to be going through a rough spot of late.  We have had it so good for so long.  Tony has another doctor's appointment tomorrow for another echo cardiogram.  The last one (they did last week) showed fluid around his heart again and while they were not concerned over the amount, they want to do another echo just to check it. 

He has a home monitor and I find the blue light that is on the front of it very comforting.  It illuminates the bedroom so if we get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, it guides us there and back.  I look at it as a beacon of hope.  Maybe as a Star Trek beam that has Tony in its sites and is keeping him safe.  I have come to be very fond of that machine.  It tracks his heart activity and sends reports directly to his doctor.  If there is a problem, they call him and give us direction as to what we need to do to keep him safe and alive.

I see him being consumed with the depression that I have had for so many years.  It's like Tony is here, but only 75% of him.  The other 25% worries, stares off into space and doesn't sleep well.   

It's hard for me and for the boys, too (Jenna hasn't weighed in) to see him this way.  He was always the rock--always the fixer and do-er.   Always the guy with the answers to the problems.  Strong and independent.  I watched him chop wood once when we lived in Strongsville.  He was wearing blue jeans, no shirt and boots.  His strong arms swung that ax with gusto and precision and then he stacked the wood.  I don't even think he broke a sweat.  I always told the boys, "don't confuse stature with strength," for while Tony maybe only 5'8", his strength was always boundless.  Personally, I think a lot of the neighborhood ladies were secretly watching him chop that wood.  It was a sight to behold!!

And now, we have moved to a different place in our lives.  I listen to him breathe.  Neither one of us sleeps well.   You can see the shape of the pacemaker in his chest.  It hasn't settled into the muscle yet, so it is swollen and visible.  

I find it odd, that this man, who has such a big heart, is struggling with it.  Heart problems should be the last thing on the list that could hurt Tony.  He protects bugs and animals, he helps people, he drove disable veterans to their doctor's appointments, he encourages the lady golfers when he works at the golf course.  He is friendly to everyone--you know my old saying...."everyone loves Tony, I am an acquired taste."  And as well I should be.  No one is more kind than Tony to people he knows and to strangers.  

We are going through a rough spot.  But we are going through it together. 

Once More With Feeling

 

Just when you think it's OK to exhale after a major health event,  life slaps  you in the face again. 

The day after Tony was released, he started to feel a tightness in his chest.  I called his cardiologist and was told to bring him in for a cardiogram and some other tests.  

The cardiogram was done and they found fluid around his heart.  There also seemed to be an issue with the pacemaker kicking in when it should.

So, long story short, he was readmitted to the cardiac unit for tests.  They managed to regulate the pacemaker externally and additional tests showed that the fluid around his heart was significantly reduced. 

I picked him up yesterday and he seems better.  He has a ton of new meds and several rounds of tests coming up, but that's OK.

Better safe than sorry.

  

What If?

August is usually a "ho hum" month.  You know, no national holidays, just hot weather and getting ready to go back to school. 

Well, this August sure hasn't been ho hum.  It started with my eye surgeries and then quickly dealt my sister and brother in law a blow as weather in Cleveland caused a tree from the metro parks to fall on to their house and destroy their newly remodeled kitchen, the siding, ceilings and shrubs.  If that wasn't enough, my sister then fell off their pool deck onto the ground head first causing a concussion and 7 staples.  

Next, the air conditioning in my 17 year old Toyota died.  It's not worth repairing it with over 150,000 miles on it so in 97 degree heat,  I drive with wet towels on my neck and lots of sweating.

And finally--the big August "holy shit," Tony went for a routine cardiac appointment last Friday and was admitted to the hospital the same day with a resting heart rate of 27.  He had a pacemaker installed today.   

Tony Jr came in to help us and as we were driving to the hospital early this morning, we got a text saying that Tony was going to be taken for the procedure earlier than we had anticipated.  I just freaked out.  We were still on the road.  I could not envision not seeing him before surgery.

Tony Jr put the pedal to the metal and got us there with 6 minutes to spare.  He dropped me off at the entrance and went to park.  I started to cry in the car thinking I wouldn't see Tony before surgery.  Nurses and other staff who passed me in the hallway stopped to ask me if I was OK?  Did I need help?  How kind they were, but all I kept thinking was, "get out of my way....."  All of the "what if's" that have been hiding in the back of my mind started to look real.  I couldn't speak.  I couldn't even remind Tony Jr where the entrance phone to the cardiac unit was.  

We got there in time....actually, they didn't come for him for another 25 minutes so we had time, but by then I was a mess.  What if, what if, what if was all that I could think of.  

The what if's are behind us now....well, not really.  As he nods off for a nap, I find myself saying, what if?  As he quietly sleeps, if think....what if?  

But Tony thinks he is invincible.  He expects to pick up his old routine in the very near future.  But I am not invincible.  I know that every time he picks up a golf club I will be thinking, what if?  I know that every time he goes to work on Ladies Day, I will be thinking what if.  

August is usually a ho hum month.  Not this time.  

One Down One To Go

 

Well, it's done....one eye at least.  I had my left eye cataract removed on July 31.  It was a simple process and I am glad it is over.  I go for my right eye next week.  People are saying that colors will look brighter, but I am not seeing that yet.  I can see the numbers on my alarm clock better, which is what started the whole process, but I also see what looks like a rim on the bottom of my left eye. I hope that goes away, as it is annoying. 

Our trip to Cleveland in October is getting closer.  Tony is going to text Jenna about possible days when we can see the kids so I am getting excited about that. 

The weather here has been as bad as across the country; although the last two days have been better.  I just cannot adjust to 93 degree temps with 88% humidity.  Yuck.  Tony has been working and playing golf in this weather and while I worry about him, he is smart enough to figure out when enough is enough.  

Cape Fear Voices (cfvts.org) going online only seems to be a success.  We are working with a school in Australia to contribute to the Teen Scene section so that should be interesting.  

Work is going well.  I have been on my own 3 times now on Saturdays and Sundays and am finding my groove.  I am making friends with the nursing staff and enjoy what I do.  There are some heartbreaking moments--like the girl, who identifies as a boy because she has been in mental health facilities since she was 5 after being raped at 2 years old and then again when she was 9 and 11.  She has two children--she is 12 (actually, the state has them.)  Sexual abuse is part of who she is now, or so she says.  She is world wise when she should be just a kid enjoying middle school.  No wonder she wants to be a boy. 

Donna and Bob will be staying with us starting August 19.  We will not be going down to Hilton Head this year, but they will be stopping to see us on their way back to Cleveland. 

Tonight is date night.  Tony is working and when he gets home we will be going to Uncorked, a favorite wine bar.  We enjoying talking to Amy, the owner and many of the regulars.  

Leland continues to grow and it's happening very quickly.  I'm not sure that's a good thing as there is more traffic and less Mayberry.    Home prices are through the roof and lots that were $70,000 when we bought in Compass Pointe 12 years ago are now going for over $200,000.  It's just crazy. 

Dixie is well.  She was injured at the dog groomer last week--she got cut on her leg with some grooming sheers, but seems to be OK.  She continues to entertain us, annoy us and be a big part of the family.  This morning, she stood next to my side of the bed and barked at me at 7:05 a.m.  I got up thinking she had to go out, but as soon as I got up, she went under the bed and went to sleep.  I didn't see her until after 11:00.  

And so, all is well in Swegle-land.  My eye is getting better and all is right with the world.  I hope the same for you. 

Old Eyes

I hate getting older.  I hate the wrinkles, the flab and the purple feet.  But mostly, I hate what age has done to my eyes.  I was pulling out of our development a few days ago and a gray car blended right into the highway.  I didn't see it.  I'm not sure why I didn't pull out right away, but something held me back.  Had I pulled out, the gray car, doing well over 70mph, would have T boned me. 

I went to the eye doctor today--Dr. Groat.  He sure didn't look like his name.  While I expected an aging man way over 50 with wispy hair on the top of a balding head, this guy whipped into the room in gym shoes and cartoon socks.  He couldn't have been more than 30 and his thick blonde hair and goofy smile made him seem much younger than that.  

But, when he talked about my eyes he seemed to know what he was talking about.  My eyes are still dilated, with big, round black spots where my pin-point pupil used to be.  I thought I only had one cataract, turns out, I have two.  I will be having surgery on July 31 and again on August 14.   

We were at the office for a little over 2 hours.  I took tests that reminded me of a Star Trek episode, where the ship launches a smaller vessel into space and all you can see are white diamonds of light drifting into a velvet blue sky.  The vessel has red lights on it that flicker and bounce from one end of ship to the other in a nano second and silver bars that look like antennas surround the light.  

I guess the good thing is that this can be fixed and I need to remember that.  I will have to wear a plastic thing over my eye in the shower and I can't do housework or dishes after the surgery.  No problem there!!  

I will be glad to have this done, as the longer it goes on, the more painful it is.  It has impacted my writing.  All of my emails now are done in size 14 font.  People think I am  yelling at them--I'm just trying to ensure what I typed and what I wanted to say are the same thing!

We had a quiet 4th of July, mostly because of the weather, but we had a nice meal and time together.  It doesn't get much better than that.