HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIXIE!!

Everyone is growing up!   The Purdum kids, the Charlotte Swegle's and Alex.  It goes so fast. 

And now, Dixie is 7 years old today.  Just like a mother coming home from the hospital with her newborn,  I remember the day we picked up Dixie and brought her home.  She settled right in and made herself comfortable, sleeping on Tony's legs--something she still does.  We watched her every move, we watched her sleep.  

She was a tiny little thing.  I could pick her up from the floor with one hand.  She couldn't get up the stairs to the studio but she could walk around in her cage.  

She has brought us such joy and laughter.  She's smart, funny, has her own routine and has us very well trained. 

Happy Birthday, Dixie...and many more.

Here's our baby:

Settling into her new home

Our baby

Resting

Loving

Sleeping

Just Being Cute!

At the breeder's, her head was smaller than the tennis ball

So comfortable

Visiting

After a day at the Spa!

Still laying on Tony's legs--since day 1

Helping Daddy with his birthday gift

Resting at Hilton Head

With New Toys

She's traded her bed for ours

What's Fair?

The rape trial that started the "Me Too," movement is scheduled to start next week and the defense lawyer is concerned that her client, Harvey Weinstein, won't get a fair trial because of all of the negative publicity surrounding the case, including the movement. 

Aw, poor Harvey.  I wonder if it has occurred to him that "Me Too," wouldn't  have happened if he didn't use his power and  take advantage of women.  What he is accused of wasn't fair to the women bringing charges.  But, I guess that what is not fair for women isn't as important as what is not fair for Harvey. 

A month or so ago, I saw the film clip of the female newscaster who was on air covering a race when a male runner came up behind her and slapped her on the butt.  She was visibly upset and actually stopped the broadcast for a minute to get her composure back.    There she was, just doing her job, and some random guy decides he had the right to slap her butt--the right to touch her body.  This has bothered me for quite awhile.  Why do some men think they have the right to impose their will on women?  Why do they think it's OK to touch a woman just because they want to?  

The runner turned out to be a youth minister and boy scout leader.  I'm not sure if he still holds those positions, but I'm really sure I would not want him in a position of authority teaching my sons anything.   A boy scout leader?  Really?    

Tony and I talked about it and he said it was a power thing.  But, what "power" did this runner  have?  None.  Maybe he wanted his face on TV for a few seconds, who knows?  But, apparently in his mind, he had the right to slap this woman on the butt.  That's different than power.   

Last week, we saw the movie, "Bombshell," about the Fox News executive, Roger Ailes, who is accused of sexual harassment of 23 known victims.  In the  movie if a woman said no to his advances she would  be demoted or even fired.  What gave him "the right?"  Power?  A penis?  Please.  How about a sense of superiority?

Where and when will it end?  What has to happen so that these type of men understand that not every woman in the world is infatuated with their penis?  When is it going to dawn on men who use their penis like a weapon that this is not acceptable?  It can't be soon enough.     

I am too old now to be sexually harassed in the workplace, but I am afraid for Ellie, Alex and Emma.  Will this mindset still be an issue when they enter the workforce?   Will this perceived "right" to touch a woman still be prevalent?  I hope not.  But, I also hoped that the gender wage gap would disappear by the time Jenna was working and that didn't happen.  

I'm glad women have started to end the silence on unwanted sexual advances by  "power players."  I hope they continue to use their voices and the legal system to send the message that no one has the right to touch a woman for their own pleasure or purpose without her consent.  I hope Harvey gets convicted and goes to prison.  Maybe there he will experience what he did to the women accusing him of rape.

I wonder how he will react?  I wonder how he will deal with the prison "power players" when he is down on his knees.    Will he say, "that's not fair?"  Will he say, "stop."

Maybe, but I'm guessing they won't stop just like he didn't.  Oddly enough, that to me seems fair.  

   

Gadgets, Wishes and Dreams

The presents are open, the thrill of the season is winding down.  And we start all over again.  People who are still working are looking at the 2020 calendar and saying, "January, again?"  It comes back around so fast.  

The "kids" got us a "Portal" for our TV.  We can video chat on the big screen and are really enjoying seeing the grandchildren jump around and wave to us!  Alex will be playing in the living room and all of a sudden, she will turn around and look at the TV.  She says, "Momo, Papa?" like she is surprised to see us because we didn't come through the front door.  

Today, Tony and I bought a new computer, since this one is on its last legs.  We will be connected by the "geek" squad on January 10.  Faster connection, more gigs. Huh?  As long as it gives me my email and blog, I am happy.  If it doesn't crash during my solitaire games, even better. 

Tony will be looking for a new phone in the next few weeks as his is outdated and not working well. 

My sister, Fritz and I got Lynn a "Grandpad," so we can communicate with her more easily than trying to reach her by phone.  So, we are full of new gadgets and stuff that will make us more efficient!  Right!!  We're retired, how efficient do we have to be?  I never thought my  "personal assistant," would be a short cylindrical, thing called Alexa.  

As always at this time of year, I start wishing I had done more.  For once, all I had was time and what did I do with it?  Not much.  I wish I had worked out  more.  I wish I had less medical stuff to deal with.  I wish I had written and submitted magazine articles.  I wish I had spent more time outside.  I wish I could have focused on just one thing.    But, I didn't. 

I feel like I floated between the TV, the computer and books.  I feel like I have been in a fog since I retired.  It's been one year, one month and 28 days since I worked at Novant.  I talked about getting a part time job, but that has been difficult.  All of a sudden, there are many full time jobs, but few part time.  I wanted to volunteer at the Leland Art Center, but they don't have a volunteer program.  I wanted to do so much, but I didn't.  Sometimes, I couldn't even get up from the computer.  

I want 2020 to be different.  I don't want to be frozen in time.  I dream of being active--maybe even playing golf again.  Tony and I went out on the course a few days ago.  He played, I took pictures and videos.  I putted twice and did OK, and that was enough to get me interested again.  I don't want to waste 2020.  And, I hope I don't.  

I dream of having a nice, peaceful, 2020, with all of the kids around and all of the grandchildren growing up healthy and happy.  

I dream of all of them achieving their goals and wishes for the new year.  

And most of all--I dream of a Happy New Year. 

Full Circle

Last Wednesday was the day children wait for all year long.  Christmas.  It makes them smile and jump and it makes us happy to watch them. 

We got our yearly Purdum Kid calendar for 2020 and I can't believe how they have  all grown.  I keep the calendars every year so I can compare pictures and I have to say, I think this year is the most they have changed from year to year.  Where are my babies that weren't supposed to grow?  They have grown into beautiful young people. 

We also got a video of Alex saying "thank you" for the gifts that we sent her.  And, a beautiful picture of Emma standing in front of the alter at church wearing the dress we sent her.  I went to church with Tony on Christmas Eve. The church was packed and the service was very nice.  I still don't have a good idea of what is happening when I go to a Catholic church, but it was good to be with Tony and I got to sing Christmas carols.  

We had a quiet Christmas, but that's the way we like it.  Tony got Dixie a new squeak toy and she loves it.  We have already wrestled on the ground over it and it "throws" really well!

On Thursday, we went to Charlotte. That was a fun trip!!  Coleton, Anthony and Owen are all doing so well, I suggested to Marie that they have another baby and hope for a girl this time.  There's nothing like a meddling mother-in-law poking around your sex life!!  Needless to say, I was afraid I was going to have to duck, as Marie was elbow deep in dirty  dishes and not a fan of the idea.  

Dixie enjoyed herself.  Anthony did try to "bwaid" her tail once, but she didn't seem to mind.  She did spend a lot of time in the guest bedroom, sleeping.  She's not used to noise unless she is making it.  But, she had fun watching squirrels and birds and barking at them.  She stayed very still so Owen could pet her.  He is still a bit wary of Dixie.  

Coleton and Anthony no longer take afternoon naps.  Oh boy!  I personally thought that Mom and Dad were going to try to keep that practice until they were at least 18.  They were on super over-charge.  

Owen was just perfect.  Smiling and welcoming.  I love his eyebrows--they connect!!  

With new Christmas toys came new arguments!  "It's mine,"  "You have to share,"  "I had it first,"  "He started it."  

I literally went back in time to when Tony Jr., and David were growing up. Same voices, same words, same arguments!  Time has brought us full circle.  The boys--one with the questioning expression and the other with the baby face are family men, experiencing the same highs and lows that we did when all of our children were growing up.  (Jenna, of course, was too cool to be involved in the boy-fighting!)  They marvel at their own children and sometimes shake their heads in frustration.  Ah, parenthood!

We were entertaining Marie at Tony Jr's., expense telling her about diaper accidents and the time Tony Sr., was backing the car out of the garage and realized that one of the boys didn't shut the passenger car door to the back seat.   A few more minutes and we would have had a large, Honda door laying in the garage or driveway.  Thank God, Tony turned around before that happened.   When Tony started to yell, there was an indignant chorus of, "It wasn't me!"  

Watching Coleton and Anthony wrestle around, fight, throw the football, make faces at each other and point fingers at each other makes me hope that they will  have the strong bond and relationship that Tony Jr., and David have.  Afterall, they are "brudders!"

Here are some Christmas memories:

Our beautiful Purdum Kids

Miss Emma at Church

Owen being awed by the football toss

Look at that face!  Look at those eyebrows!

Here's Anthony, just chillin!

Coleton, Mr. Serious

Daddy and Owen

Owen warming up to Dixie

The beautiful 12 foot tree

Dixie checking out the tree, "to pee or not to pee on it!"

Damn Squirrels!

Damn Birds!

Donna and Bob arrive the first week of January, weather permitting.  More fun!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!

Frost, Christmas Cards and Sadness

We have the change of seasons down here and the past few days have shown us frost on the grass and trees.  It was actually warmer in Cleveland today than down here.  That sucks.  But, when it snows here (and it does), it's always funny to see the palm trees weighted down with cold, wet snow.  

Christmas is just around the corner and I'm glad all of our "stuff" is done.  Everything is wrapped or sent and we are getting ready to put our box of Christmas cards away.  When I was growing up, I used to love to open Christmas cards.  My sisters and I used to argue over which card our family got was the prettiest and which one should be the most prominently displayed on the front door.  I liked the sparkly ones the best.   

After Tony and I got married, we used to tape the cards we got all over the living room.  There were so many cards.  That was before people sent cards with their family photos on the front of them so we got lots of hand written notes of good wishes and a happy new year.  It was a way to connect after a long year.

Over the years, the amount of cards we received and sent has significantly decreased.  Go figure, in 1960, a postage stamp was $.05.  Now, it's many times over that, so it's no wonder people have drastically cut down on their Christmas card mailing lists.  It's sad that a beautiful tradition has fallen to the wayside because of money.   And it's sad not to hear from friends and family that you care about.  It always seemed like maybe you didn't hear from them all year, but you could count on that one, special touch, saying, "I'm still here and I still care about you."  

I used to work with a woman named Pat Utsey at New York Life.  She had the reputation of being a mean spirited, crabby, task master who worked her people to death and didn't have a kind word for anyone.  When I went to New York for cross-training, I had to spend a week with Pat and her team.  I certainly wasn't looking forward to that trip.  But, as in so many cases, the all of that information was totally wrong.  I found Pat to be kind, funny, full of confidence and a lady who knew her stuff.  We became good friends.  It's been more than 8 years since I worked at New York Life, but I get a card from Pat every year, wishing me and my family well and filling me in on all of the NYL gossip--just like always.  

It's sad to not connect with others at Christmas, but it's even harder when they aren't there for Christmas anymore.  I'm reading a book called, "A Father's Grief," written by a man who lives here in Compass Pointe.   In August, 2016, he lost his 17 year old daughter, Lindsay, when she was leaving our development and was in a terrible car accident.    As you open the book, the grief he feels sits on your heart until you put the book down again.  It's on every page, in every word and especially in every picture he shares.    His book started as a blog to recognize his feelings and heal.  I give him much credit as a writer and a parent for doing this.  Each keystroke on the page had to be incredibly hard for him, but he did it.  He did it as a guide to grief and a tribute to Lindsay and he did it well.  

So, OK, it's cold, OK, we didn't get as many Christmas cards as we did last year, OK, our house will be quiet on Christmas day, but we know that while our children aren't here, they are somewhere, safe.  All of our children are enjoying Christmas with their own families and watching their own children light up the room with Christmas happiness.  As parents, we couldn't ask for a better Christmas gift.  

Merry Christmas to all. 

A Place In The Family

It's funny--winter here can be just like Cleveland.  Oh, I don't mean the snow and all that comes with it, but how quickly the temperature can change.  

We were at our favorite wine bar yesterday and someone said, "I tell people that if they don't like the weather here in Wilmington, just wait 5 minutes and it will change."  Ha Ha, didn't we say the same thing about Cleveland weather?  

Today was an odd day.  It was down right gloomy, but the wind was strong.  It moved the tall grasses and made them swing back and forth.  It made the vinyl  windows in the lanai stutter.  The windows reflected the Christmas lights from our small tree and the twinkle lights hanging around the lanai and when the vinyl windows shook, it made the lights look like they were bouncing and dancing.  It was pretty.  

Christmas is just around the corner.  We did our cyber thing and went to the mall yesterday.  I was happy there.  My fit bit said I walked 4,045 steps.  That's a high for me this month, but it did not come without sitting down on the way from store to store and drinking water.   I remember days at the hospital when I did 10,000 steps and felt good about it.  Today, I am lucky to hit 1500.  Damn, it sucks to get old.  

We've started to get Christmas cards from the kids and can't believe what beautiful grandchildren we have.  Alex is a stunner and hasn't taken a bad picture ever.  She was in her first school Christmas pageant and, of course, was the cutest one on the stage.

We will be going to Charlotte on December 26, to have Christmas with Tony Jr., Marie and the kids.  That's always a fun and deafening visit.   They are so energetic and full of stuff to tell us.  It's great.  Owen has had some growth challenges, but I'm sure he will be on track soon.  Coleton is in to golf and Anthony is still my heart.  I understand that he can be a challenge, unruly and rude (per his daddy, not me), buy hey, look at the research on middle children (of which I am one....) and you will find that they need extra attention and a specific role in the family--they are not the special first born and they are not the cute, last baby.  They need a place of their own in the family where they feel valued and not invisible.  If they don't feel valued, they probably will be unruly and rude, but they are saying, "see me, value me."  OK, I guess that gives you a good idea of how we grew up. 

Since my sister, Fritz and I have reconnected, we have spent a lot of time dissecting our individual childhood memories.  While I felt invisible, she felt stupid and dismissed.  We both remember specific remarks that still cut deep.  To this day, I don't think she realizes how smart and talented she is. Our mutual concern is that we did the same thing to our children for different reasons.  That doesn't make it better and we share our motherhood regrets.  

On a lighter note, Donna and Bob will be coming from Cleveland to Sunset Beach in January and we are looking forward to more adventures.  We will celebrate Tony's 73rd birthday in February and continue to wonder how he got so old while the rest of us are forever young (yeah, right!)

Speaking of birthdays, Dixie will be 7 on January 6.  Tony is "iffy" on getting her another toy for Christmas since she has so many, so I'm not sure how he's going to react to the Dixie birthday bash I am planning!

And, that's about all that is happening in Wilmington.  Dixie is well and still full of piss and vinegar.  She continues to train us and even though we are slow learners, she manages to get what she wants.  Spoiled "child," yeah, probably, but we love her. 

Speaking of love:

Brenda, Alex and David getting ready for Christmas

Alex, reading the book that Tony and I did for her

Puppy love

This is the look we get when we have caught Dixie doing something wrong!

This is Dixie saying, "talk to the paw, the ear isn't listening!"

Play time!

  
Coming soon:  I can't wait to post pictures of the Charlotte Swegle's and our Christmas visit.  


  

Cyber

I've never considered myself to be a techie person.  I'm not particularly computer savvy  and I can just barely function in Word, Excel and email.  That being said, shopping on the computer is not something I really ever got into. 

When I shop for something that I want, I go to the mall.  I want to see the thing I am trying to buy, I want to feel it, try it on, hold it up to the light, sit in it, walk in it--whatever I need to do to ensure that what I'm looking at is what I want to buy.  

Unfortunately, our kids have a different idea about shopping.  To them, shopping means that you get your jammies on, sit on the couch, grab your laptop and start looking at various shopping web sites until you find what you are looking for.  You put the order in online and wait for your merchandise to show up on your front door.  And, if it isn't what you wanted or is the wrong size, no problem, just return it--and keep returning it until you get the right thing.  Easier than going to the mall?  I'm not convinced yet. 

And so, when we ask for Christmas ideas for all of the grandkids, guess what we got?  Yup...emails full of blue links to websites.  

Yesterday was cyber Monday meaning some sites, mainly Amazon,  had good sales on various merchandise.  So, we jumped into the cyber world with both feet and worked on the gifts for our Cleveland grandkids.

I ordered one thing at a time (I had it in my mind that ordering two things on the same order would somehow screw it up) and printed out a confirmation page for each order.  Tony has done this before, so he is more confident than I am. 

Everything seemed to work until we got to the last item.  Of course, the last item.  We think it went through, but we're not sure if it went through, but we got a confirmation and confirmation number, but the confirmation said that it didn't ship.  So, did it go through or not?   

Hmmm....when I go to the mall and buy something, it's in my hand and then in my bag, so I know the transaction went through.   Easier than going to the mall?  I'm not sure yet.

So here's where we stand--we ordered a gift online, but not on Amazon, through a store.  We didn't get the item sent here, we ordered it through a store in Ohio and had it delivered to the store.  In processing our online order, we were designated as the "payor," but we had to designate Jon to be the pick up person and supply his email address.  Tony called Jon to let him know the item was ordered and processed and today, during lunch, Jon went to the store to pick it up.  We still don't know if the "confirmed not shipped" order is confirmed and processed or sitting in limbo.  But, we did successfully order two things that we hope will be delivered on Thursday--to Cleveland.  

Easier than going to the mall?  I'm not sure yet.

My biggest fear is that on Christmas day, Tony's phone will ring and it will be the kids from Cleveland saying, "Hi Papa, thank you for my confirmation number!"  

Tony and I used to chuckle about our parents being afraid to try new things.  It was hard for us to imagine that they would be so tentative about doing something a new way.   But, I get it now.  Why mess with progress when the old way works so well.  OMG, I am my mother.