Just Fly

We went to Florida to see the premier of the documentary, "Fly Like A Girl."  With the "Me Too Movement," the Weinstein trial and the release of the movie, "Bombshell,"  it seemed fitting to see a film about strong women.   I cheer strong women and always have, but there was a sadness to the film that could be felt by every woman in the audience who has been told, "No, you can't, you're a woman."   This was more than mental and physical discrimination.  This was  a perverse mindset.  

I was especially affected by the way women who were being trained to fly to assist the military during World War II were treated.  They were there to help.  To free up military men for priority assignments.  And yet, there were men who refused to teach these women how to fly.  Some men spoke about the women pilots like they were the enemy.  And, at least one woman pilot was killed in a crash because someone put sugar in her plane's gas tank.  Why?  Because a man felt threatened?  Because the pilot wasn't doing what society expected of her?  Because the sky belongs to men?  It's senseless.  And it's sad. 

There were high points--the Marine who flew in and saved a downed crew when she had limited fuel and ammunition was a show stopper.  She actually met one of the crew men in a hospital who thanked her for saving his life.

It was inspiring to see so many women who didn't take "no" for an answer.  To watch them do what they love and what they are good at despite barriers and attitudes was the heart of the film.  

I hope that when our granddaughters find their passions--no matter what they are, that they are encouraged and supported by all segments of society and especially, their own family.  I hope that one day we don't need a documentary for young girls and young women to know that they can achieve their dreams and fly as high as they dare in any arena.  One day I want people to just fly.  Not like a man, not like a woman, not like a girl.  Just fly if that's what they want to do.    That has been my hope since 1970.  Now, if I can just live long enough to see it really happen. 

And, speaking of granddaughters.....on a lighter note, we got to spend time with Alex.  Oh, what an amazing little thing she is.  She loves puzzles and Legos.   She has a Lego frog and I took the head apart and put the eyes of the frog in sideways.   She told me that I had done it wrong because now the frog couldn't see.  She fixed the eyes and told the frog he was "All Better!"   She kept froggy away from me after that!

She has memorized at least 10 songs; many of them in English and Spanish.  She runs laps around the living room, builds castles out of wooden blocks, kicks a soccer ball and loves to read.  New Year's Eve made a big impression on her!  She will count backward from 10 and when she gets to one, she yells, "Happy New Year!!"  Then, she puts her fingers to her lips and makes a sound like a party favor.  

Her speech has matured and so have her reasoning skills.  At 2, she is independent--well, as independent as she can be, but she knows her own mind.  She is 90% potty trained and she has expanded her vocabulary to include feelings.  She will ask you how you are, how is your day and will compliment you by telling you that you are smart or beautiful when you tell her she is.   Alex and I were sitting in the kitchen yesterday, she was eating and Brenda was getting ready for work.  I told her to be kind to people at school and she said, "Momo, YOU have to be kind too."  I asked her who I should be kind to and she thought for a few seconds and said, "Papa!"  I told you she was smart!

We had such a good time with David and Brenda as well as Alex.  They took us to a great restaurant called, "Nineteen 61."  The food was fantastic and they had a good variety of things on the menu. 

We played corn hole, although, like golf, I don't think how I played could be called "playing" corn hole. It was more like "aiming at the impossible."   In two different matches, I scored 1 point.  Just one--not one per game, just one point.  David and Tony scored in the high 50's and Brenda wasn't far behind.   But it was fun.

The lanai addition that they put on has added a huge amount of floor space to enjoy.   Right now, it's a work in progress; they have the tile for the floor picked out and some furniture, so once it's finished it will be great to sit outside, but be protected. 

We look forward to the next time we see the "Lakeland Swegle's!"  Look at that little face!

A happy Papa, Alex and "froggy" on the couch, with his eyes fixed

Alex is always smiling 

Enjoying the lanai

Papa with Betty.  Don't show this picture to Dixie!

Lost in thought

Getting ready to share the hammock with Daddy

High Fiving Papa

A Beautiful Face

Getting Ready to Catch Pooh Bear

This Is Me

The new year is a good time to take stock in ourselves.  I find that the question, "since you retired, what have you accomplished" has been haunting me so much that I decided to figure out exactly what I did do last year and since I retired (November 3, 2018.) 

Here goes:  I spent endless hours at doctor's appointments for a variety of "stuff," including driving 40 minutes 3 times a week to spend 60 seconds in a "light box" for my skin treatments. 

I had ultra sounds, stress tests, blood tests, X-rays, nuclear scans and a plethora of diagnostic tests to see "what if" to figure out why I couldn't walk more than 200 yards without needing oxygen or water or to decide what to do about nodules on my thyroid and lung.  Thank God for handicap stickers.  

I helped a Novant volunteer write his college essays and scholarship pieces.  He successfully got into the college of his choice, with two scholarships. 

I helped our niece, Shannon, with her resume and interviewing skills so she could land her "dream" job.  And she did!!

I helped our niece, Sarah with her resume and cover letter as she, too, is looking for a new career.  

I attempted to  help our nephew with his depression, that so mirrors my own.  He makes small steps every day; hopefully based on some of  the discussions we had and the time he spent with us. I believe he is starting to see a crack of daylight in the dark fog of depression. 

I helped a Novant co-worker with her Business Organization project for college. She got one of the highest grades in the class!

I met a server at Applebee's and encouraged her get out of an abusive relationship.   She wears a necklace I got her that says she can soar to the greatest of heights by just trying and spreading her wings. That pleases me. She is out of the relationship and has a new job.   

I reconnected with two old and dear friends; Pat and Joyce.  Both have had hardships this past year and I hope I have helped to soften the blows that they have received. 

I started going to church with a new friend, Carol (but have since decided to sleep in on Sunday's.  I'm used to much better preaching!)  I'm hoping she will realize what strength she has within her from our talks and interaction.  

I researched and found our new car, online.  Tony loves it.  You can see it in his face when he is behind the wheel and I am pleased that I was able to give him some help.  

I read 14 books. Some text books from college, some from my therapist, some from Novant management, some for fun, some for information and some, just because.

I attended a writer's workshop at UNCW.  It woke my soul.  

I made email contact with one of the organizers of the writer's workshop who also writes for various local magazines, in an effort to get him to review some of my work.  (This is an ongoing, frustrating process.)

I submitted an article to "Live Out Loud," magazine.  (No response.)

I submitted the same article to AARP Magazine.  (No response.) 

I submitted the same article to Salt Magazine.  (No response.)  I guess the article isn't very good!

I submitted two writing contest entries to the "Write By Night," online writing group, of which I am a member.

I found an online yoga instructor and have tried to get back into the swing of yoga.  This, too, is an ongoing, frustrating process--I just don't bend the way I used to.

I spent many happy hours finding beautiful outfits for Alex to display at daycare and other avenues of her adventures!  She makes all of the clothes we get her look so good!

I wrote a book for Alex and then for Owen.  Something that pleased me greatly.  

I got a new camera (Thank you, Tony,) and took some new and really good photos.  This is a passion I need to shift my focus to, because I really enjoy it. 

I researched and bought new lanai furniture which Tony, Dixie and I enjoy every evening.  Being there is a perfect way to end the day. 

I became a registered North Carolina voter.  This is something that I haven't been since the '80's.  But I am now and I hope to use my vote wisely to support the next Democratic presidential candidate.  

I rested my head.  This sounds silly, especially after 67+ years, but when you think of being married at 20, being a mother at 24, being widowed 72 days after giving birth, losing your husband, your home,  your dog, your life, your entire existence in a few short months, it makes sense. 

I never had the time to rest when Bill died.  I went from being a grieving widow to moving, working, finding a new place to live and finding a new life all in a very short period of time.  I was tired.  I was so tired.  Even after Tony and I got married 11 years later, I was tired.  I was running.  Promoting my career to make more money.  Going back to school.  Being a whole new person.

Being retired was the first time I had to just be.  To not worry about helping to put food on the table, keeping my job, being an adequate parent, being a wife that meets expectations.  Running--always running to keep up.  And not doing a very good job of it.  Always knowing that there was something out there that I didn't do well, didn't do enough.  Didn't do.  I rested my head.  Sometimes I didn't like the decisions I made, sometimes I just lived with them.  Sometimes the decisions just lived with me.   

And so,  that is my year of "accomplishments."  Pretty poor if you are looking for books to be published or goals to be surpassed.  I did none of these, but I think, in some small way, I made a difference.  At least I hope I did.  

One of my favorite movies is, "The Greatest Showman." I love the story, I love the music.  One of the songs from that show is called, "This Is Me."  The song of misfits.  Part of it says:

"I am who I'm meant to be.  I make no apologies, this is me."  

"Me" isn't always a pretty picture.  I spent way too much time watching Dr. Phil, playing computer games and drinking wine.  I escaped.  And, for much of that, I wish I could change the time I spent.  But I can't.  I did what I needed to do at the time.  

I can't make apologies.  They would be hollow.  I probably didn't accomplish what I could have in 2019, but this is who I'm meant to be.  I helped where I could.  I learned when I had the opportunity.  I tried.  God knows I tried.  

  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIXIE!!

Everyone is growing up!   The Purdum kids, the Charlotte Swegle's and Alex.  It goes so fast. 

And now, Dixie is 7 years old today.  Just like a mother coming home from the hospital with her newborn,  I remember the day we picked up Dixie and brought her home.  She settled right in and made herself comfortable, sleeping on Tony's legs--something she still does.  We watched her every move, we watched her sleep.  

She was a tiny little thing.  I could pick her up from the floor with one hand.  She couldn't get up the stairs to the studio but she could walk around in her cage.  

She has brought us such joy and laughter.  She's smart, funny, has her own routine and has us very well trained. 

Happy Birthday, Dixie...and many more.

Here's our baby:

Settling into her new home

Our baby

Resting

Loving

Sleeping

Just Being Cute!

At the breeder's, her head was smaller than the tennis ball

So comfortable

Visiting

After a day at the Spa!

Still laying on Tony's legs--since day 1

Helping Daddy with his birthday gift

Resting at Hilton Head

With New Toys

She's traded her bed for ours

What's Fair?

The rape trial that started the "Me Too," movement is scheduled to start next week and the defense lawyer is concerned that her client, Harvey Weinstein, won't get a fair trial because of all of the negative publicity surrounding the case, including the movement. 

Aw, poor Harvey.  I wonder if it has occurred to him that "Me Too," wouldn't  have happened if he didn't use his power and  take advantage of women.  What he is accused of wasn't fair to the women bringing charges.  But, I guess that what is not fair for women isn't as important as what is not fair for Harvey. 

A month or so ago, I saw the film clip of the female newscaster who was on air covering a race when a male runner came up behind her and slapped her on the butt.  She was visibly upset and actually stopped the broadcast for a minute to get her composure back.    There she was, just doing her job, and some random guy decides he had the right to slap her butt--the right to touch her body.  This has bothered me for quite awhile.  Why do some men think they have the right to impose their will on women?  Why do they think it's OK to touch a woman just because they want to?  

The runner turned out to be a youth minister and boy scout leader.  I'm not sure if he still holds those positions, but I'm really sure I would not want him in a position of authority teaching my sons anything.   A boy scout leader?  Really?    

Tony and I talked about it and he said it was a power thing.  But, what "power" did this runner  have?  None.  Maybe he wanted his face on TV for a few seconds, who knows?  But, apparently in his mind, he had the right to slap this woman on the butt.  That's different than power.   

Last week, we saw the movie, "Bombshell," about the Fox News executive, Roger Ailes, who is accused of sexual harassment of 23 known victims.  In the  movie if a woman said no to his advances she would  be demoted or even fired.  What gave him "the right?"  Power?  A penis?  Please.  How about a sense of superiority?

Where and when will it end?  What has to happen so that these type of men understand that not every woman in the world is infatuated with their penis?  When is it going to dawn on men who use their penis like a weapon that this is not acceptable?  It can't be soon enough.     

I am too old now to be sexually harassed in the workplace, but I am afraid for Ellie, Alex and Emma.  Will this mindset still be an issue when they enter the workforce?   Will this perceived "right" to touch a woman still be prevalent?  I hope not.  But, I also hoped that the gender wage gap would disappear by the time Jenna was working and that didn't happen.  

I'm glad women have started to end the silence on unwanted sexual advances by  "power players."  I hope they continue to use their voices and the legal system to send the message that no one has the right to touch a woman for their own pleasure or purpose without her consent.  I hope Harvey gets convicted and goes to prison.  Maybe there he will experience what he did to the women accusing him of rape.

I wonder how he will react?  I wonder how he will deal with the prison "power players" when he is down on his knees.    Will he say, "that's not fair?"  Will he say, "stop."

Maybe, but I'm guessing they won't stop just like he didn't.  Oddly enough, that to me seems fair.  

   

Gadgets, Wishes and Dreams

The presents are open, the thrill of the season is winding down.  And we start all over again.  People who are still working are looking at the 2020 calendar and saying, "January, again?"  It comes back around so fast.  

The "kids" got us a "Portal" for our TV.  We can video chat on the big screen and are really enjoying seeing the grandchildren jump around and wave to us!  Alex will be playing in the living room and all of a sudden, she will turn around and look at the TV.  She says, "Momo, Papa?" like she is surprised to see us because we didn't come through the front door.  

Today, Tony and I bought a new computer, since this one is on its last legs.  We will be connected by the "geek" squad on January 10.  Faster connection, more gigs. Huh?  As long as it gives me my email and blog, I am happy.  If it doesn't crash during my solitaire games, even better. 

Tony will be looking for a new phone in the next few weeks as his is outdated and not working well. 

My sister, Fritz and I got Lynn a "Grandpad," so we can communicate with her more easily than trying to reach her by phone.  So, we are full of new gadgets and stuff that will make us more efficient!  Right!!  We're retired, how efficient do we have to be?  I never thought my  "personal assistant," would be a short cylindrical, thing called Alexa.  

As always at this time of year, I start wishing I had done more.  For once, all I had was time and what did I do with it?  Not much.  I wish I had worked out  more.  I wish I had less medical stuff to deal with.  I wish I had written and submitted magazine articles.  I wish I had spent more time outside.  I wish I could have focused on just one thing.    But, I didn't. 

I feel like I floated between the TV, the computer and books.  I feel like I have been in a fog since I retired.  It's been one year, one month and 28 days since I worked at Novant.  I talked about getting a part time job, but that has been difficult.  All of a sudden, there are many full time jobs, but few part time.  I wanted to volunteer at the Leland Art Center, but they don't have a volunteer program.  I wanted to do so much, but I didn't.  Sometimes, I couldn't even get up from the computer.  

I want 2020 to be different.  I don't want to be frozen in time.  I dream of being active--maybe even playing golf again.  Tony and I went out on the course a few days ago.  He played, I took pictures and videos.  I putted twice and did OK, and that was enough to get me interested again.  I don't want to waste 2020.  And, I hope I don't.  

I dream of having a nice, peaceful, 2020, with all of the kids around and all of the grandchildren growing up healthy and happy.  

I dream of all of them achieving their goals and wishes for the new year.  

And most of all--I dream of a Happy New Year. 

Full Circle

Last Wednesday was the day children wait for all year long.  Christmas.  It makes them smile and jump and it makes us happy to watch them. 

We got our yearly Purdum Kid calendar for 2020 and I can't believe how they have  all grown.  I keep the calendars every year so I can compare pictures and I have to say, I think this year is the most they have changed from year to year.  Where are my babies that weren't supposed to grow?  They have grown into beautiful young people. 

We also got a video of Alex saying "thank you" for the gifts that we sent her.  And, a beautiful picture of Emma standing in front of the alter at church wearing the dress we sent her.  I went to church with Tony on Christmas Eve. The church was packed and the service was very nice.  I still don't have a good idea of what is happening when I go to a Catholic church, but it was good to be with Tony and I got to sing Christmas carols.  

We had a quiet Christmas, but that's the way we like it.  Tony got Dixie a new squeak toy and she loves it.  We have already wrestled on the ground over it and it "throws" really well!

On Thursday, we went to Charlotte. That was a fun trip!!  Coleton, Anthony and Owen are all doing so well, I suggested to Marie that they have another baby and hope for a girl this time.  There's nothing like a meddling mother-in-law poking around your sex life!!  Needless to say, I was afraid I was going to have to duck, as Marie was elbow deep in dirty  dishes and not a fan of the idea.  

Dixie enjoyed herself.  Anthony did try to "bwaid" her tail once, but she didn't seem to mind.  She did spend a lot of time in the guest bedroom, sleeping.  She's not used to noise unless she is making it.  But, she had fun watching squirrels and birds and barking at them.  She stayed very still so Owen could pet her.  He is still a bit wary of Dixie.  

Coleton and Anthony no longer take afternoon naps.  Oh boy!  I personally thought that Mom and Dad were going to try to keep that practice until they were at least 18.  They were on super over-charge.  

Owen was just perfect.  Smiling and welcoming.  I love his eyebrows--they connect!!  

With new Christmas toys came new arguments!  "It's mine,"  "You have to share,"  "I had it first,"  "He started it."  

I literally went back in time to when Tony Jr., and David were growing up. Same voices, same words, same arguments!  Time has brought us full circle.  The boys--one with the questioning expression and the other with the baby face are family men, experiencing the same highs and lows that we did when all of our children were growing up.  (Jenna, of course, was too cool to be involved in the boy-fighting!)  They marvel at their own children and sometimes shake their heads in frustration.  Ah, parenthood!

We were entertaining Marie at Tony Jr's., expense telling her about diaper accidents and the time Tony Sr., was backing the car out of the garage and realized that one of the boys didn't shut the passenger car door to the back seat.   A few more minutes and we would have had a large, Honda door laying in the garage or driveway.  Thank God, Tony turned around before that happened.   When Tony started to yell, there was an indignant chorus of, "It wasn't me!"  

Watching Coleton and Anthony wrestle around, fight, throw the football, make faces at each other and point fingers at each other makes me hope that they will  have the strong bond and relationship that Tony Jr., and David have.  Afterall, they are "brudders!"

Here are some Christmas memories:

Our beautiful Purdum Kids

Miss Emma at Church

Owen being awed by the football toss

Look at that face!  Look at those eyebrows!

Here's Anthony, just chillin!

Coleton, Mr. Serious

Daddy and Owen

Owen warming up to Dixie

The beautiful 12 foot tree

Dixie checking out the tree, "to pee or not to pee on it!"

Damn Squirrels!

Damn Birds!

Donna and Bob arrive the first week of January, weather permitting.  More fun!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!

Frost, Christmas Cards and Sadness

We have the change of seasons down here and the past few days have shown us frost on the grass and trees.  It was actually warmer in Cleveland today than down here.  That sucks.  But, when it snows here (and it does), it's always funny to see the palm trees weighted down with cold, wet snow.  

Christmas is just around the corner and I'm glad all of our "stuff" is done.  Everything is wrapped or sent and we are getting ready to put our box of Christmas cards away.  When I was growing up, I used to love to open Christmas cards.  My sisters and I used to argue over which card our family got was the prettiest and which one should be the most prominently displayed on the front door.  I liked the sparkly ones the best.   

After Tony and I got married, we used to tape the cards we got all over the living room.  There were so many cards.  That was before people sent cards with their family photos on the front of them so we got lots of hand written notes of good wishes and a happy new year.  It was a way to connect after a long year.

Over the years, the amount of cards we received and sent has significantly decreased.  Go figure, in 1960, a postage stamp was $.05.  Now, it's many times over that, so it's no wonder people have drastically cut down on their Christmas card mailing lists.  It's sad that a beautiful tradition has fallen to the wayside because of money.   And it's sad not to hear from friends and family that you care about.  It always seemed like maybe you didn't hear from them all year, but you could count on that one, special touch, saying, "I'm still here and I still care about you."  

I used to work with a woman named Pat Utsey at New York Life.  She had the reputation of being a mean spirited, crabby, task master who worked her people to death and didn't have a kind word for anyone.  When I went to New York for cross-training, I had to spend a week with Pat and her team.  I certainly wasn't looking forward to that trip.  But, as in so many cases, the all of that information was totally wrong.  I found Pat to be kind, funny, full of confidence and a lady who knew her stuff.  We became good friends.  It's been more than 8 years since I worked at New York Life, but I get a card from Pat every year, wishing me and my family well and filling me in on all of the NYL gossip--just like always.  

It's sad to not connect with others at Christmas, but it's even harder when they aren't there for Christmas anymore.  I'm reading a book called, "A Father's Grief," written by a man who lives here in Compass Pointe.   In August, 2016, he lost his 17 year old daughter, Lindsay, when she was leaving our development and was in a terrible car accident.    As you open the book, the grief he feels sits on your heart until you put the book down again.  It's on every page, in every word and especially in every picture he shares.    His book started as a blog to recognize his feelings and heal.  I give him much credit as a writer and a parent for doing this.  Each keystroke on the page had to be incredibly hard for him, but he did it.  He did it as a guide to grief and a tribute to Lindsay and he did it well.  

So, OK, it's cold, OK, we didn't get as many Christmas cards as we did last year, OK, our house will be quiet on Christmas day, but we know that while our children aren't here, they are somewhere, safe.  All of our children are enjoying Christmas with their own families and watching their own children light up the room with Christmas happiness.  As parents, we couldn't ask for a better Christmas gift.  

Merry Christmas to all.