Healing

I have been battling depression for a number of years.  I take medication and when I just can't take anymore, I see a therapist.  There are days when I think I have everything under control and other days when I can't even get out of my office chair because the weight of the depression holds me down like a prisoner in a small dark cage. 

I have heard people say that depression is not real--that is just a temporary "bad day" kind of a thing.  They don't know how wrong they are.  I have also heard some people say that they are not depressed, but when you look deeper at their routines and problem solving processes and how they stress and address the world, you can see that at some level, they are. 

So, where is all of this going?  Recently, I had the opportunity to write about a program here in Brunswick County put on by the Brunswick Art Council, through the Leland Cultural Arts Center.  It's called "Art for Healing."  And that's exactly what it is.   The program does not assess your level of depression or mental health issues, it is about art instruction, no matter how basic your skill level may be.  It's a free program that even provides the supplies that you will need. 

The program is held in a local park.  I selected the sketching class--mainly because it was the only one that fit into my deadline schedule, but also because I have always wanted to be able to sketch something and have it turn out like what I was looking at.  So far, that has not been the case.  I tend to try to make my drawings "perfect"  or at least an excellent rendition of the material.  

I went mainly for the story,  but as I was receiving instruction, there was a sense of calm that came over me.  It wasn't like this lightening bolt that said, "ah ha, you are not depressed right now!"  It was more like letting go of things that were in my mind (not "on" but "in".)  Being distanced from my daughter--which is always top of mind, seemed to sting a bit less.  My physical health issues went dormant for an hour while I sketched and the growing older stigma that looms larger everyday wasn't as painful as it was yesterday.  The day cooperated with the program by being bright, with Carolina blue skies and big white puffy clouds.  There was an aggressive wind that flipped the pages of my sketch book, but also covered my face with the smell of spring--and it felt good to be outside. 

Trey, the art instructor for that day gave me some input that helped me and has stayed with me.  Trey told me to look for what was right in whatever my end product happened to be.  He said that people stress too much about what is wrong with their creative endeavors and not what is right about it.  Did my tree look as professionally done as his did?  No, but I wasn't drawing it for him, I was drawing it for me.   Trey also told me to trust my eyes and hands to work in concert with each other.   As I did that, my work became better.  I have translated that into trusting myself.  For a very long time I based my self worth on the value others awarded me or the shortcomings they saw.   I decided not to do that anymore.  I know myself.  I know what I am not doing correctly in my life and I know when I am doing something well.  No one has to point it out the negative aspects of my actions to me, for I knew them  long before anyone else did. 

The "Art for Healing" program didn't "fix" me, but it made me take a step toward a different way of seeing the world and my reaction to it.  It made me not want to walk in my own shadow anymore, but to cast a new one. 

I will never be an accomplished artist in the sketching or painting world.  But, I will find peace and joy in creating whatever my eyes and hands are "seeing."  And I will treasure those feeling for a very long time. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter and that it gives you peace. 

There is Life After the Banquet

Well, the dinner is over.  What a day.  We had major storms move through the area and we lost power for 5 hours.  In hour 2, I asked Tony to hook up the generator because I was running around with wet hair after my shower and I had to be at the event location in 2 hours.  Thank God we bought the generator!!

The event was a success, raising what for us is a significant amount, through ticket sales, auction items, raffle tickets and donations.  We are already planning next year's event. 

It has been a fun time, but also a sad time.  Our son-in-law, Jon, lost his brother Aaron at the end of February.  Aaron was only 49 and died suddenly, leaving his wife and 5 children.  Jenna and Jon are going to Seattle for a memorial service later this month.  

My writing is going well.  I did two stories for Leland Magazine, two for Coastal Buzz and several for Cape Fear Voices this past month.  Yesterday, I went to an event called "Art Around Town," as a writing assignment for Leland Magazine.  The program offers a series of artistic expression sessions, free of charge, in a park setting.  I took a sketching class and wrote about my experience.  I really enjoyed myself.  It was a beautiful day to be out in a park--breezy and sunny.  My sketch wasn't that great, but learning from someone who actually teaches how to approach drawing was a very interesting experience.  He talked a lot about trusting your eyes and hands to work together and drawing what you see, not what you think something should look like.  

The weather has been very nice.  We're actually going to the beach today.  It will be the first time for me this year.  I'm just going to sit in the sun and soak it up (I hear my skin doctor groaning!!)

We had our taxes done and got a refund from both the state and federal governments.  We're going to pick up the paperwork on Tuesday and treat ourselves to lunch out and then go to a cigar/wine bar that Tony enjoys when Bob and Donna are here.  

As always, the year is moving quickly by and we are holding on enjoying the ride.  Our trip to the Outer Banks for our anniversary is coming up and we're doing Hilton Head in June this year instead of August.  

On Monday, I'm doing an interview for the Coastal Buzz for a story on Healing Through Art.  It should be interesting.  And then, on Saturday, we have the Palm Pointe Social.  I went to a breakfast last Wednesday to welcome a new neighbor to Compass Pointe.  We had a good time.  We rotate having high tea and breakfast/brunch with 6 of us.  It's fun.  One lady in the group is from France, one is from Australia, there are 3 from various places in  New York area and me.  

Dixie is well.  We see more and more grey hair in the midst of her white and brown coat, but she still plays like a puppy.    Like us, she enjoys sitting on the lanai (she has graduated from laying on the ground to one of our guest chairs) listening to music and enjoying a treat.  We have wine, she has a chew stick!

So, at this point, all is well in the Swegle house and I hope it is in yours too!  Happy Spring. 

Countdown to the Dinner

Well, the awards dinner is almost here.  Just another 11 days.  It's been fun to work on but I will happy when it's over.   It seems like I've been sitting in this office all day, every day since Christmas.   But, we sold out, the dinner orders are in and the ballots have been cast.  Now it's time to party!  I have boxes of stuff stacked up in my office and I can't wait to get them all out of here.

Donna and Bob left for Cleveland on Monday.  I guess it was a rough trip--rain, traffic jams and in the car for 12 hours.  YUCK.  The weather was crappy while they were here.  Since they left we have had temperatures in the 60's and  70's. Go figure.

We all celebrated Tony's birthday; by all I mean Donna and Bob and  then Rose and Joe came in from Cleveland just to have dinner with him and celebrate this 75th birthday.  It was a surprise and one that was hard to keep.  But he appreciated their efforts and we all had a good time.  We went to Chianti South in South Carolina they have great food.

I have two stories in the Coastal Buzz magazine this month and two in Leland Magazine.  For Cape Fear, I wrote the book reviews, the article about the dinner and a few other things, but no story.  I need to get back to writing for them and I will.

We were going to go down to Florida this month for Birdie's first birthday, but Brenda is running for Circuit County Judge and they are neck deep in political activities.  They said they haven't even thought about a  birthday party, so we decided to go down after the election and celebrate.  

Tony Jr and David came up for Tony's birthday the week before to have the Swegle, 3 Men and a Bond golf tournament.  Tony won, so the statue is back in our living room.  He enjoys those outings so much.  David brought his dog, Bernie and I've been sneezing ever since.  They have been gone for two weeks but I still have Bernie dander in the house so I get congested and my eyes swell up.  Not fun.  I've had the windows open and have been vac'ing almost every day.  

This weekend we're going to the Rice Festival.  This is a yearly event celebrating how growing and harvesting rice shaped the long term economy of this area.  Unfortunately, the growing and harvesting were done by slaves from the Sierra Leone area of Africa, so it is also a recognition of history and heritage.  A lady with the stage name of Aunt Pearly Sue, tells stories of the south and how the slaves lived, in full costume.  

We are working with 3 more schools in the area with our Journalism Club.  The local TV station is partnering with us so that is a huge plus in getting more corporate sponsors.  I'm learning a lot about non profit organizations and I enjoy helping the kids.

Today,  I'm going to head out and pick up copies of Leland Magazine.  About eight months ago I bought a scrap book to put my articles in.  So far, the book is in the office and the papers are stacked in a corner.  But, I'll get there. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful spring season and enjoys the warmer weather. 

This and That

Well, first, I don't know why my Easter post is showing as the current post.  Just chalk it up to the computer having a mind of its own.  

Anyway, while I feel like a lot has happened since my last post, it doesn't sound like it.   My thyroid ultrasound was good, my lab numbers are on target.  So, not sure what is next on that front.  I'm still out of breath, my feet are swollen and I look like hell.  Could be because I'm 70, but probably because I'm just not taking care of myself. 

Day to day, I'm still writing for Cape Fear Voices, Leland Magazine and Coastal Buzz and in February, I had a story in each one.  That was a first for me. 

My time is spent working on the Cape Fear Voices Awards Dinner on March 14, writing, editing and trying to keep track of deadlines.   Tomorrow, I go back to Leland Middle School to work with their journalism club.  We have lots of other stuff coming up.  Tony's 75th birthday is the 24th, so we are going out to dinner with Donna and Bob.  David and Tony Jr., are coming up the week before to golf and celebrate Tony's birthday.  They both have family commitments the week of his birthday, but whenever they come, it's always a good time for Tony.    

We are going to Florida in March for Birdie's birthday and to have dinner with our sister in law, Joyce.  Donna and Bob will be at Disney World during the same time, so maybe we can all get together.  

We are planning a trip to the Outer Banks for our anniversary, then we're going to Hilton Head in August.  We will probably go to Cleveland in June, but so much depends on Jenna and the kid's schedules. 

I feel like I have copped out on my January decisions.  I said that I have spent the last 3 years of retirement sleep walking and I was going to change that this year.  So far, I haven't and it bothers me more than I like people to know.

I get up every day with the thought of doing something different today.  To exercise, to walk, to move out of the chair and do something, anything.  And then I check my emails and there are things to fix, decisions to make, meetings to take and deadlines to make.  And so, I am still here, in the office, in front of the computer.  Do I like it?  No, but, hey, isn't it better than getting up everyday and watching hours of Dr. Phil shows that I have seen before?  I said I wanted what Tony had--5 years of retirement where he does exactly what he wants to do.  I haven't had that yet, but I'm not sure if I had it, that it would be a good thing for me.  

I know this is part depression, part age, part mentality, but I struggle to get past it.  To do something.  To accomplish more than just computer stuff.  My creative side is fighting with my health side and I'm not sure which one is winning at this point.

But, despite it all, I have a level of happiness.  We still spend out time on the lanai at 5:00 p.m., it is important for us to be there and be present for each other.  Dixie hears the music and she comes out to be with us.  We are the unit and there is comfort in that.   We talk about so many things.  We laugh, we tease each other and we listen to each other.  That's the important part.  The noise of the day goes away and is replaced by blue and white twinkle lights, music and wine.  It is the best part of the day.   I hope that many people have "lanai" time.  It is good for the soul.

And so, another month is well under way.  How quickly time goes by.  How quickly time stands still.  Both are correct, it's just a matter of perspective.  Where are you?

Easter Visit

 

Oh what a fun Easter we had!  We had an Easter egg hunt, dancing on the lanai to some kid classics, like Out in Right field by Peter, Paul and Mary, Purple People Eater and some new ones, courtesy of the kids.  Owen is a dancing machine!

Anthony didn't zing me as he usually does.  He was too busy stuff Easter candy in his mouth.  He did give me his typical greeting...."Hi Momo, wanna see my butt!!"  At which point, he spins around and shakes his "booty."  

The kids in our family seem to have a thing about butts!!  I can remember Ben and Sam being at our house, sitting on the top of the steps, throwing a ball down at Papa who was at the base of the stairway.  Sometimes he would turn around and let the ball hit him, and then exclaim, in a high pitched voice, ...."Oh no, you hit my butt."  The kids would giggle and say, "Papa said butt."  

We played an old video that I made for Tony for Father's Day right after we got married.  Coleton and Anthony laughed at seeing their father being 7 years old.  It brought back many happy memories. 

The "kids" are leaving today and the house will be quiet again.  Dixie will be glad.  When she is trying to avoid something, like medicine, she hides under the bed.  She was very surprised to find out that little boys climb under beds too.  She's running out of places to get away from them!!

It was good seeing everyone and I hope the next time we get together will be soon. 

Here are some photos of the visit:

 

I'm starting to think that we didn't move south enough.  This January has been really chilly.  It's in the 30's in the morning when we get up and sometimes goes into the 20's late at night.  

I battled the "Carolina Crud" during Christmas and I'm starting to sneeze and sniffle again.  Enough already. 

I did an article for the Leland Magazine on the NC  Rice Festival and the Gullah Geechees.  It sounded so interesting, we're going to attend.  The Gullah Geechees (spelled that wrong) were the slaves that were brought over from the Sierra Leone area because of their knowledge of growing African riced and irrigation systems.  At the time, the Carolina's grew Asian rice.  African rice was better and brought in a better price.   The Gullah's kept many of their African traditions and language.  

I also did a story for the Coastal Buzz on "Mats for the Homeless," where ladies get together and crochet plastic bags into water proof mats so homeless people will have some protection from the cold, wet ground.  The Leland Senior Center is a great place to hang out and learn things.  I learned that you have to have strong hands to crochet plastic bags!

I was sad to find out that an old friend from Denison church has died.  Doug Singer was only 67.   He was a nice man.  A bit goofy, but nice.  His funeral is on Friday.  Who would have thought that the remaining 2 old Daley ladies would outlive Doug?

It's also said to hear that Denison church will be closing in the near future.  Their minister is retiring and moving back to New York.  Every Sunday the collection plate is empty and the flock is few, but hungry.  They eat lunch after the service and leave.  It's sad that they don't give back or attempt to do anything for the church.    It may be turned into a Community Center.  Too early to speculate. 

Donna and Bob are here and Donna and I are doing our first, 'Ladies Who Lunch (and shop, shop, shop,) on Friday.  It's always fun when they are down here.  We have a Super Bowl party and go out to dinner once a week.  Tony Jr., and David may come down while they are here so they can golf with Uncle Bob and Tony.  That's always a good time--multiple people pimping Tony instead of just me!

I hope this year will be good to everyone and that everyone will make this a good year. 

A Summery Christmas

Well, another Christmas is over.  We hope everyone enjoyed the holiday with family.  We had a nice Christmas, but I am SO sick.  I've had what we call the "Carolina Crud," for more than a week and it's not going anywhere.  

We did a video call with David, Brenda and the girls in the morning and a facetime call with Tony, Marie and the boys in the afternoon.  Tony is on his way to Charlotte to spend a day with them.  I told Marie if I came with him I would sleep all the way there, the whole time I was there and then all the way back.  Plus, I'd leave germs all over the house.  So, Dixie and I are just hanging around in the bedroom watching Dr. Phil.  

Christmas day was beautiful.  It was 72 degrees and sunny.  We've been down here for 10 years and I still laugh when I see lights on palm trees.  We are going to go to Leland Lights when I feel better.  It's a display of Christmas themed life sized figures illuminated with Christmas lights.  There is a path to walk through the display and a train if you don't want to walk.  I'm looking forward to going. 

I'm still writing for three papers and planning the Awards Banquet for Cape Fear Voices in March.  On January 7, I'll be back at Leland Middle School to help with the journalism club.  I'm really enjoying that interaction and we have picked up some new members.  The last time I was there, the yearbook committee came to take our picture.  It's been 50 years since I've been in a yearbook. 

Dixie had a good Christmas.  She got a new chew toy.  It's a bacon scented bone that she really likes.  She is missing Tony already.  She's been going to the door in the laundry room that leads to the garage.   She'll sit in front of it for awhile and when he doesn't come in, she comes back and lays on his side of the bed.   This morning as he was packing, she was sitting on his shoes.  Her rationale seemed to be, if he didn't have shoes, he wouldn't go.  She's figured out that when she sits in his suitcase, he leaves anyway. 

We watched the disappointing Browns game last night.  Baker wasn't on his game, but neither were the refs.  They miss 2 clear holding calls and a facemask violation.  Once again we get to say, this just wasn't our year. 

Tony gave me a wonderful gift.

He painted a picture of me.  He calls it My Lady in Red.  I love it, I look so hauty!  He is a wonderful artist.   

Dixie misses Daddy!

We hope 2022 is good to everyone!